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The Holy Buster Rifle

CAST OF CHARACTERS: all Gundam Wing pilots, some colony rebels and Zechs...

Zechs: Look, there is the new Super Mobile Suit!

Duo: What, behind the Leo?

Zechs: NO, it IS the Leo!

Duo: YOU TWIT! I soiled my armor over you!

Zechs: Look at it, it's got big teeth, it can leap about. (Gestures with hands) Look at the bones! It will do you up a treat! (points at Trowa)

Heero: Go on. Bors, chop his head off!

Colony Rebel Bors: Right, silly little Leo!

Zechs: LOOK!

(The Leo kills the Colony rebel!)

Quatre: Mankey Scotts Bum!

Heero: Right! Lets go!

(All attack, the two other Colony Rebels die.)



Heero: Right, how many did we lose?

Trowa: Dwayne...

Heero: ...Edgar and Bors, thats five.

Wufei: Three, sir.

Heero: Three... three... we had better not risk another frontal assault, that Leo's dynamite!

Duo: Will it help to confuse it if we run away more?

Heero: Shut up! And go and change your armor!

Quatre: Let us taunt it, it may become so cross that it will make a mistake!

Heero: Like what?

Trowa: Have we got birds?

Heero: No.

Trowa: We have the Holy Buster Rifle!

Heero: Yes, of course! The Holy Buster Rifle of Wing ZERO. Tis one of the sacred Relics Doctor J carries with him. Doctor J, bring us the Holy Buster Rifle!

(Doctors begin chanting and bring down the Buster Rifle.)

Heero: How does... um... how does it work?

Trowa: I know not, my leige!


Doc J: Armaments, Chapter 2, Verses 9 to 21.

Assistant: "And Wing ZERO raised the Buster Rifle up on high saying 'Oh Lord, bless this thy Buster Rifle, doth with it thou maste blow thy enemies to tiny bits in thy massing. And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangotangs, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bars, and li--"

Doc J: Skip a bit, brother...

Assistant: "And the Lord spake saying, 'First shalt thou pull back thy Holy Trigger, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shall count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number to be reached, then letith go thy Holy Trigger of thy Holy Buster Rifle of Wing ZERO, towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it!"

Doc J: Amen.

All: AMEN.

Heero: Right... one... two... five...

Quatre: Three, sir!

Heero: Three!